AFTERWORD
The subject of God's existence has never generated a shortage of passion and opinion. It has always had the potential to be controversial and polarizing. The book you have just read is no exception. It will, I predict, foster criticism from several sources. Unless persuaded otherwise as they read, atheists will disagree entirely with my conclusion and will try to poke holes in my arguments. Most agnostics will do the same and will remain skeptical and unconvinced. Ironically, the strongest reservations may be voiced by fellow theists, people who share with me a belief in God but object to my approach, emphasis, or style. Some will say that my arguments have been too objective. Others will find them too subjective. Some will say that I have described God in terms much too personal and have neglected the awe and mystery of divine transcendence. Many will accuse me of just the opposite, of not emphasizing God's personality enough, making Him so distant that He seems irrelevant to everyday life. Some will assert that the entire book is a waste of time and mental effort, since God's existence should be assumed and not argued, reverenced and not rationalized. Many will consider my approach much too Christian, while others will be disappointed that it is not Christian enough. Some will opine that I have led them on a path much too laden with clever analogies and simplistic illustrations, while a few will probably accuse me of talking "over their heads." When all is said and done, negative reaction to what I have written will range from boredom to disappointment to disgust.
I am not surprised nor upset by these criticisms. In fact, I understand and accept them. I believe each of them exposes a potential weakness in the way I have chosen to deal with the subject of God. The reason I have decided to proceed, even with full knowledge of these limitations and liabilities, is that I firmly believe a subset of people exists who will find this book beneficial. I am convinced there are many today who profess a belief in God but, just as I did for several years, struggle with His existence. The number of such people is more than it appears at first glance, because I am certain most conceal these doubts from family and peers, relegating them to moments of quiet introspection. Their crisis of faith is similar to what I experienced and its solution, I hope, the same. If any of these individuals reads what I have written, relates it to his or her religious journey, and finds it a useful adjunct to his or her faith, then the book will have achieved its intended purpose.
As we shall see in the next leg of our journey, the way believers have dealt with the reality of God has varied considerably from person to person and time to time. Indeed, the way He is perceived by each individual tends to evolve and change over the course of a lifetime. I am no different. Even today, I sometimes perceive God to be transcendent, distant, Wholly Other. At other times I sense Him immanent, relational, and personal. Often my faith is objective and rational but just as often subjective and mystical. As I will later explain, I have adopted a faith that can be described as a balance of these opposites, a faith that embraces a God who is both transcendent and personal and approaches Him with a blend of reason and mystery.
If this book has not seemed to reflect this dynamic balance in my faith, I hope the reader will understand why. The arguments atheists used years ago to create doubt within me were largely objective ones. It was natural that my path back to faith would likewise be objectively bent. For this reason, I fear that this book does not give the subjective dimension of my faith its due. This is the feeling I get every time I read it in its entirety. If you, too, have sensed this apparent imbalance, then trust me that it is a temporary, albeit necessary, distortion. Now that I have revealed to you how I came to fully believe in God again, I feel no compulsion to handle the subject of God's nature the same way. I will certainly approach this next topic objectively and rationally, but I predict that you will be able to better appreciate the subjective and mysterious side of my faith.
Toward the completion of this book I reread Karen Armstrong's A History of God, in which she provides "a history of the way men and women have perceived him from Abraham to the present day." She is able to capture better than anyone the tension that has existed throughout history between God's transcendence and His immanence, between a faith in Him that is subjective versus one that is objective. Her work once again showed me that humans have always seemed to wrestle with the balance of reason and mystery in religion.
Instead of trying to eliminate or avoid this paradox, my own view is that we should embrace it, accepting it as an integral part of the religious experience. I believe that God is both transcendent and personal and can be experienced both objectively and subjectively. I include both reason and mystery in my faith. My faith, in fact, consists of holding these opposites within me in permanent, dynamic tension.
In the introduction to her book, as she recounts her own religious journey from life as a nun to that of a religious writer, Ms. Armstrong agrees that we are all in the same boat:
So have I been pleasantly surprised about the reality of God. I have found that He is not a product of my fears and wishes, nor is He merely an extension of the forces of nature all around me. I have discovered that God truly exists and that His existence would not change if I (and all my needs and fears) and nature (and all its beauty and fury) were to pass away.
Karen Armstrong, A History of God (New York: Ballantine Books, 1993), xx. Ibid., xiv.
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